Woman Married To Fat, Emotionally Distant Vampire Escapes Into 'Twilight' Novels
"NEW ORLEANS — Acknowledging years of marital dissatisfaction and a noticeable increase in her vampire husband's weight, 43-year-old Sara Pastor told reporters Thursday that she often seeks solace by losing herself in the escapist fantasy of the Twilight novels.
The New Orleans resident said it's been ages since her husband, 834-year-old Andrei Pastor, bought her flowers, took her dancing, or appeared at her second-story window and charmed her into allowing him inside. According to Sara, she purchased the first book in Stephenie Meyer's young-adult vampire romance series 14 months ago, while waiting for her husband to pick her up from the airport, and has taken refuge in the novels ever since.
"Edward is so romantic," said Pastor, referring to Edward Cullen, Twilight's vampire hero. "He loves [17-year-old protagonist] Bella so much that he runs away from her to protect her. My husband, on the other hand, hasn't posed any kind of danger to me in years.""
"Vampire and Wife" - en normal fredagskveld, i følge artikkelen.
Det er masse gullkorn:
""When we were first married, Andrei was so dark and mysterious," Pastor said wistfully. "These days, pretty much all he does is sit around swilling blood and watching ESPN." Added Pastor, "Edward would never do that to Bella.""
""Every time I get to the part where Edward reveals himself to Bella in the sunlight, I start to cry," Pastor said. "Edward is so beautiful, his skin begins to sparkle in the sun. The closest Andrei ever comes to sparkling is when sweat beads up on his chunky thighs after he's climbed a flight of stairs.""
Bildene er fra theonion.com.
Til slutt får vampyrmannen uttale seg:
""If Sara wants to live in her little fantasy world all the time, that's her choice," Andrei Pastor, Vicomte of Bazargic, said when reached for comment. "She might think life is just one big fairy tale, but it's not." Added the vampire, "I've been around 800 years, and I think I know a thing or two about the real world.""
Funnet hos ILBWS, som fant den hos Twilight Lexicon.
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